Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.”
From Sweet Darkness, by David Whyte
Divorce could be one of the worst experiences of your life. It could be a journey plagued by fear, doubt, stress, anxiety, rage, and regret. It could make you feel bitter, victimized, or vengeful.
Or, divorce could be a pivotal transition that challenges you to learn and grow. Every day, you can take steps and make decisions that are soul-centered. You can be compassionate, empowered, and a spiritual warrior.
You have a choice.
Many people default to destruction and despair. It isn’t the only option. You can have a soul-centered divorce and cultivate a vital sustainable new life.
What is a soul-centered divorce?
To put it simply, a soul-centered divorce is one that is guided by law, logic, and inner wisdom. The process inspires confident decision-making, and actions that support those things that are most important to you.
A soul-centered divorce asks you to trust in yourself, to know that you can make your “best” choices. It invites you to be faithful to your core beliefs, and to reject societal pressures. It gives you courage (even within the rigid confines of the legal system, or in the face of an angry spouse), and it helps you be deliberate with your thoughts and actions, no matter how challenging the circumstances.
A soul-centered divorce can give you the focus, foundation and guidance you need to move through each phase of your divorce.
How do you keep your soul at the center of your divorce?
Step One: Commit
In order to navigate the divorce process with as much clarity, peace of mind, dignity and wisdom possible, it’s critical to establish a strong and purposeful mindset. So, with the intention of operating from your higher self, make these 10 commitments to improve your confidence during divorce:
- Be faithful to your core values and beliefs
- Act with integrity, optimism, and clarity of purpose
- Acknowledge your fears and limitations
- Stay in the present to reduce worries and doubts
- Take good care of your spiritual, emotional, financial, and physical health
- Eliminate destructive habits and counterproductive behaviors
- Consciously use resources that help you gain confidence and clarity
- Surround yourself with trustworthy and supportive people
- Take consistent action, even when it makes you feel uncomfortable
- Make choices and take actions that align with your core values
Step Two: Ground and Tune-In
As you go through the process of divorce, you’ll hear many voices: your spouse, children, friends, family, lawyer, accountant, mediator, and/or judge. You’ll also hear a cacophony of sounds in your head that generate feelings of fear, loathing, guilt, insecurity, anger, impatience, frustration, and a whirlwind of other negative emotions. These internal and external voices will compete for your attention and become so loud they drown out your true inner voice.
Your inner voice comes from deep within, and different people call it different things: intuition, the voice of God, angels, Spirit, Source, wisdom or instinct.
Everyone has an inner voice; it developed over millions of years, enabling mankind to survive and evolve. Regardless of what we call it or where it originates, it’s your personal compass or guide that, when given room to speak, will help you through life.
If you already have a practice that calms your body, quiets your mind, and puts you in touch with your inner voice, take 10 to 45 minutes daily to ground and tune-in to your soul wisdom.
If your practice involves physical activities or rituals you can’t do anytime, anywhere, create a variation to use whenever and wherever you need to tune into your inner voice quickly, like in a courtroom, lawyer’s office, or other restrictive setting). I use breath work and mindfulness meditation to center and tune into my inner wisdom. I use this simples technique to process difficult emotions in my personal and professional life as a lawyer and mediator.
When you breathe in recognize: this is an in-breath. When you breathe out, recognize: this is an out-breath.” Make the object of your mindfulness your in-breath and your out-breathe. Simply bring your attention to your breathing.” Thich Nhat Hanh
I also participate in and listen to dharma talks (Buddhist lessons) with my favorite teachers including Jack Kornfield, Tara Brach, Buddhistgeeks, and Dharmaseed, which offers a free phone app I often play as I drift off to sleep or wake in the middle of the night.
Step Three: Identify your core values
Core values are beliefs or concepts that resonate strongly with you. They serve as guidelines you use to make decisions and determine the actions that best serve you.
Values are not goals; goals are desired outcomes. Values are an intrinsic part of who you are. You rely on them to structure your life, and you have for a long time. The core values that guide my actions and choices are integrity, compassion, and sustainability for myself, others, and our planet.
If you don’t define your values clearly you may drift through life and divorce and be swayed by external circumstances and social pressures. If you know who you are and what you cherish, you have the power to improve your life immeasurably. You can make choices that honor your spirit and align with your soul. And, no matter what the outcome, you’ll experience more long-term satisfaction if you know you acted authentically and with integrity.
Being soul-centered during the tumultuous storms of divorce is possible for all. You need only to take the first step.