Are you still thinking (excessively) about your ex even though the ink dried on your divorce papers a long time ago?
If you are and it’s negatively impacting your life, which isn’t unusual, taking one or more of these actions might free your mind from the past so you can focus on the present.
1. Move. If you still live in the house you shared with your ex and it’s financially reasonable, find a new home and make it your own. Scientific research has proven that our surroundings affect our brains and overall health. In fact, the Academy of Neuroscience for Architecture was formed and great lengths are being taken, to use neuroscience during the building design process to improve the the well being of inhabitants.
2. Ditch the stuff. If moving is out of the question, gather all of your ex’s belongings or the things that remind you of him/her, and give them away. Give the reusable items to charity, take the junk to the dump, and stash the things you can’t part with or need to save for your children.
3. Change your contacts. If your ex keeps sending you emails or text messages and you don’t have children together and no reason to remain in constant contact, consider changing your email address and telephone number or blocking his/her emails and calls.
4. Get physical with a group. Join a gym. Take group classes like spinning, Pilates or yoga. Become a member of a hiking group, rowing club, or doubles tennis team. Participate in activities that keep your mind and body busy, so thoughts of your ex become a thing of the past.
5. Focus on your personal growth. It is almost inevitable that we need time after a break-up to be introspective and explore areas of ourselves that need healing or expansion. Take time to learn new philosophies and techniques for finding peace in your life. There are so many modalities and teachers who can truly help make the healing process easier, whether you need a little self care or some deeper therapeutic work.
6. Read and use the exercises in Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time, which shows you ways to build a “buddha brain” for more peace of mind, greater inner strength, self confidence, and a solid sense of contentment and worth. The exercises are based on proven neuro-plasticity research that shows we can use our minds to shape our brains.
7. Explore the world. Hop on a bike, train or plane and explore new sites. If you’re on a budget, hostels or airbnb across the world can give you shelter for little or no cost and make it easy to meet other travelers.
8. Start a new project. If you dream of earning a college degree, starting a new business or knitting an awesome sweater, do it! Devise a plan and take steps to accomplish your goals. The world is your oyster.
9. Go on a date. If you’re ready, dating can be great fun and a way to build new memories to recall. And who knows, you just might meet someone wonderful to share your days with.
10. Remember, remember, remember. In hindsight it’s easy to glamorize your ex and/or your relationship so if you find yourself doing this, remember if your ex was the wonderful and perfect spouse you’re imagining, you’d probably still be together today.
What your mind rests on shapes your brain so when you find yourself asking how to stop thinking about your spouse, make a conscious effort to rest on positive thoughts and take any other positive action that helps.